An open letter to the European community/theatre of war:

Due to the untimely, crumpet-and-scone related demise of our brilliant military strategist, William "Nelson" Gerrard, and all my immediate superiors, including the incomparable Admiral Snodgrass and the peerless Peer Pickard-Cambridge, I do hereby assume full command of the forces of Great Britain. I take it with the fulsome, self-important sense of solemnity duly occasioned by the passing of so many talented leaders whose deaths so helpfully paved the way for my own rise to power. As the new commander of the forces of England, I wish all to know that I am not ill disposed to any. Yet. Any legates, nuncios, Botschaftere, or turban-clad emissaries will be graciously entertained at my palatial country estate in Thwapshire and their overtures will be considered. If they would be so kind as to arrive not after high tea, they will not be disappointed of the highest standards of English hospitality: I serve devilishly good crumpets and scones.