Knats, Knats, all of you

To Quote the Matrix, "Craig Rubens is a disease....a cancer of this planet....he is a disease, and I am the cure." I have let his propaganda go unchecked for far too long, and now it is time to set down some cold realities of my own.

Craig and I, at this point, are the two people who stand a chance of winning this game. Despite my blustering bravado, defeat is a real possibily. And so I post the following excerpt from my friend Craig's recent phonecall to me.

Me - "Why are you attacking me? I have done nothing to provoke this malice?"

Craig -"I eat children"

Me - "What does that have to do with anything, your personal habits have no relevance to this fight?"

Craig - "Austrian children are the most flavorful, and the rivers of your cities will run red with the blood of the innocent"

Me - "what is wrong with you? this is just a game"

Craig - "a game that will end with a veritable thanksgiving feast of babies...in front of me....which I will eat."

Me - "You're worse then Hillary"

Craig - "bwhahahahahahahhahahahahahaa"

Me - I am clearly the wronged party here

Craig (heard crunching small birds with a hammer over the phone) whatever, Owen does whatever I want, like a stupid puppet who always comes in second.

Me - Owen would never listen to you!

Craig - they'll all listen to me! all of them! I am the puppet master!

hangs up

Lets be perfectly clear.....to fight me now is to fight destiny. And as we know, destiny may be sidetracked, destiny may be delayed, but destiny will not be denied. My destiny (not craigs)

Owen's pathetic betrayal will be met with malice and destruction. The nation of turkey will be(mercifully for it's residents) burned to it's foundations, and owen will be dragged through the streets of vienna by a donkey cart.

As seen from this picture, I am a benevolent ruler, and once I finish my conquest of Europe, there will be room for all of you with me at the top (except for Owen and Craig who will regretably need to be killed to pave the way for progress)

Moves are due this Saturday evening. I am busy these coming weeks as the play gets closer, so my tolerance for lateness or forgetfulness is decidedly low...especially since 11 freshmen just failed an open notebook test they had a week to prepare for and to which I gave them the answer key.

-Ruler of Austro-Russistan